you bet i’m a fine sailor

Groucho: How dare you invade the sanctity of the Captain’s quarters? State your business! I’ve got to shiver my timbers.

Chico: I got-a no business. I come up to see the Captain’s bridge.

Groucho: The Captain’s bridge? I’m sorry. He always keeps it in a glass of water while he’s eating. A fine sailor you are!

Chico: You bet-a I’m a fine sailor. My whole family was sailors. My father was partners with Columbus.

Groucho: Columbus has been dead four hundred years.

Chico: Well, they told me it was my father.

Groucho: Do you suppose I could buy back my invitation to you? Now, one night Columbus’ sailors started a mutiny –

Chico: Naw, no mutinies at night. They’re in the afternoon. Wednesday mutinies, and Saturdays.

Groucho: There’s my argument. Restrict immigration.

 – The Marx Brothers – Monkey Business (1931)

(Most of the anarchic action in Monkey Business is set on an ocean liner. It was the first of their features to be filmed in Hollywood and the script by S. J. Perelman contained so many sexual innuendos it was censored in some countries – and banned outright in Ireland.)