grow a pair

“On a day when the wind is perfect, the sail just needs to open & the world is full of beauty. Today is such a day”~ Rumi
Never in my life have I felt at home living in a house, a solid unmoving structure. Most girls grow up desiring a beautiful house, a successful career perhaps, a husband, white picket fence, a pet, & maybe those 2.5 children…I have never desired any of those things, but somewhere along the way into adulthood, I curiously started following that construct, that path that everyone seems to think they have to take, which for me personally I kind of view as a trap.
I owned a gorgeous 1922 English Tudor, which was a woman’s complete dream ~filled with antiques, a completely remodeled kitchen to easily enjoy preparing gourmet meals from scratch, a bourgeois white fluffy carpeted office, & a wood-burning fireplace lined with large bookshelves. I had chandeliers, an arched front door, slate backsplashes, a white claw-footed antique office desk… I always drove nice cars.. I had a loving German Australian shepherd, & even had a 10 year relationship going at one time, as well as a very high paying corporate finance job in management. A job that let me take killer vacations to places like India & Brazil .. I attained the degree & a handful of financial licenses in the Wall Street world.. I had it all, from the looks of it..
But NONE of these things made me happy, nor at peace. Something was always off, amiss… these things didn’t sustain me, feed me, or make me feel content whatsoever. There was always a nagging ache for more. I felt chained by these THINGS. I have always been a seeker by nature for as long as I can remember back into childhood. I questioned organized religion when I was 16. I’ve always asked why. I’ve always looked at society like something was askew.. I’ve always known there was far MORE to this life. I didn’t want to follow that conveyor belt of uniformity, of lifestyles around me that all seemed to be fabricated from an eerily similar mold.
It wasn’t until I finally grew the balls after years of deliberating in my head, to take the plunge & say goodbye to it all. I sold my house including everything in it, I quit my job, & left my relationship.
Read on.