Jesus we hate press releases but this one we just can’t pass up…
Press Release 01 APR 2015 0600 UTC
Volvo Ocean Race Turns Social Media Campaign over to ISIS
As of 1800 hours UTC today all of the Volvo Ocean Race Social media work will be handled by ISIS. This decision was reached after concluding that the VOR was not reaching the key demographic on social media. The group cited that ISIS has clearly become a force in new media with an amazing close rate.
After comparing the effectiveness , reach and impact numbers for several groups, the VOR executive team realized that it was between ISIS and a group of neo Nazis on the UP of Michigan. Knut Frostad said in making the decision that the VOR was “Looking to the future and not the past”.
The America’s Cup organizers are considering a similar move. Russell Coutts when asked for comment noted that “You would think that 72 foot Catamarans cartwheeling in front of Alcatraz Island would be enough of a draw, but those guys in Syria are really unto something and we want in!!”
There will be some small changes in the race format to accommodate the social media campaign. For all remaining legs there will be random scoring gates where Jihadi John will board the last place boat and execute one sailor. This will be broadcast live.
During in port races, mortar shells will be lobbed at the boats during key mark rounds to heat things up there. ISAF president Carlo Croce says “I love these changes to the format. Sailing is reaching out to a younger demographic in key parts of the world. VOR partnering with ISIS is a wonderful opportunity.