ass-haulin’ tool of justice

We love offbeat ads, and this kiteboarder from Charleston just launched a great one on Ebay.  Auction ends Wednesday so scoop it up!

Screen Shot 2014-02-04 at 5.23.55 AMIf you think it’s a good day to spend some time at Bed, Bath & Beyond when the wind comes up, then steer clear of this bad boy because this thing will break your curtain rod right off faster than you can say “Singin in the rain”!

But if you want the board that Chuck Norris would ride if it wouldn’t get all scratched up by his iron will, then saddle up compadre because you found your caballo!  It goes upwind like its got an effin rocket booster so if you’re a NASA pilot you’ll like this thing a lot.  If you’re ready to smoke windsurfers and twin tips like they’re hanging out in the 80’s still listening to vintage “Meatloaf” and “Devo” records then put your feet in these stirrups and give ‘er the whip!  This yellow beast is one ass-hauling tool of justice.  

When the wind goes light and your friends are sitting on land, you can tell them “hold my video camera” while yore out going Mach1 on a small kite.  If it goes dead, you can use these gigantic fins to go shark hunting.  Just bite it in your teeth until you get a damn good hold of the shark’s dorsal and let ‘er rip! The good news is when you finish your shark hunt, you can head home with your new friends who are impressed mostly that you ride this board and secondly that you can kill a shark with your bare hands.  

It has 3 gigantic fins which are perfect for hanging bikinis on.  I know what you’re thinking.. What if I need to hang more than 3 bikinis up?! Well today is your lucky day Rico Suave because remember those big ass fins?! They’re plenty big to accommodate a whole gaggle of groupies so bring em all over.  There’s plenty of shark meat for everyone at your fiesta!