We’re not sure if there are 6 people left in the world that care about the curious demise of the hybrid sailing magazine/obese nudist soft-core porn rag Latitudes & Attitudes.
Always a curiosity and more of a personal diary/fanzine/cult newsletter than a magazine, the real mystery is perhaps not just how sordid the story can get; what really blows our minds is how an educated human being could actually spend money on a business that produces print magazines about naked, obese cruisers. Our reader Diarmuid responds to the exposé and post about it with a theatrical take; enjoy Act 1 of the Latts & Atts dramatization…
Deprecio (bar.), merchant
Fellatio (ten.), merchant
Bobo (count. ten.), a gelato seller
Unemployed journos (chorus)
[A fat man with tattoos pedals an ice-cream vendor’s tricycle across the stage to calliope music]
Deprecio: I’ve had a look at the financials, pet, and I fear we shall not make payroll.
Fellatio: You worry too much. You always worry. It gives you age lines. You should be happy, like before.
Dep.: We’re selling lifestyles, but no one’s buying. We’re selling dreams, but dreams are free on the internet.
Fel.: Dreams should be free, my love. As free as the wind and the waves, as free as a sailboat on the ocean blue.
Dep:That too we must discuss. How much did we pay for our sailboat?
Fel. Bobo needed the money. He wanted to buy a gelato stand. Is he not a happy man now, Bobo?
[Bobo enters from left, sucking suggestively on a Rocket Pop.]
Bobo: Oh yeah!
[Slaps gut. Exits]
Fel. We could be happy like Bobo. It’s all a dream, we are the purveyors of dreams. Why fret about the lawyers, the unpaid bills, making payroll?
Chorus: [fart noises]