What do you do when you suffer intestinal bleeding because of the barbaric, torturous hiking demands of sailing on a Melges 24 or 32? Well, besides doing nothing because the paid pro whore in charge of the boat will call you a pussy and fire you from the privilege of essentially killing yourself to hike for him, for free, should you dare to complain.
Fear not, lackeys, as there is now another option: A group called the Newport Sports Injury Clinic has just announced both out and in-patient recovery programs designed specifically for overzealous hiking injuries. Susan Landon, head of the clinic told us that while there may not be the biggest audience for their Hiking Hurts program, that "there are enough retards who somehow think that the form of hiking they do is considered sailing" to justify making the program available. Stand by for further details.
Title thanks to Clean’s favorite rock band of all time.