Rock the Cat


Rock the Cat

We have been remiss getting the anarchist’s rants that were submitted to our Puma Rock the Cat contest. Here’s one of quite a few…

One of the most epically perplexing questions about sailing that has yet to be solved is this: “How do we get more women into sailing?” Almost every solution proposed has succumbed to doom and unmitigated failure, or even backfired by drawing more men into the sport instead. Don’t get me wrong, every new sailor is a good thing, but the question remains. How do we balance out the ratio of men to women? Specifically, how do we attract the young, nubile teens and twenty-somethings that every owner dreams about having on his bow?

If one looks at the various solutions that have been tried, one sees that they are obviously the brainchildren of panels of men concocting schemes to emasculate themselves and surround themselves with fawning women. The trouble is, none of those women want to sail. Calendars are published depicting scantily-clad women on boats. Sponsors show up with lovely ladies in short skirts to pimp their products. Beer and rum have often been seen as a man’s drink, and we see major regattas sponsored by such products as Bacardi, Mt. Gay, and Heineken. Even the sexy, high-performance boats we sail, while they make great eye-candy and provide thrilling adrenaline rushes, still end up being like sports cars. Sure, women like them, but they don’t really want to drive them (and let‘s face it…would we let them?). Ultimately, all of these ideas end up attracting more men to the sport so that they can feel manlier. But what’s the point if it’s a sausage fest?

Brace yourselves now, while I unveil what I think is the solution we need to attract members of our target demographic. You may want to sit, perhaps grab a puke pail, because it is not a pretty solution. That solution is…gay porn. Yes, you read that correctly. Trash the “Women of Sailing” calendars, it’s time for the “Sexy Sailing Studs” annual photo shoot. Mt. Gay NOOD’s? Shoot, this almost writes itself. Hopefully you’ve finished retching, so that I can present my logic. Yes, it’s true, none of us manly men want to see bronzed, muscular, Speedo-wearing men replace the bikini-clad blondes on our calendars, but here’s the hitch: many of the young women we would like to have on our crew DO! And I can see it now: Hordes of college-age co-eds signing up on the crew boards for Antigua Race Week, brought to you by Smirnoff Ice. Yes, it would be transforming our manly world of yacht racing into a woman’s wonder world, but it must be done in order to attract this delightful demographic who would like nothing more than to go out for a day of hardcore action on the race course, and come back to the rum tent to be served their complimentary vodka coolers by a hot stud from a Nivea for Men ad.

The possibilities for this are endless, but it comes down to one thing. We must make this a woman’s sport. A consequence, of course, is that it will drive out the homophobes and the sexually insecure. But look at it this way. The rest of us, secure in our manliness, will still be sailing our hot-rod boats while hot babes play with our spinnaker poles, keep a firm hand on our tiller, or pull on our ropes.

Submitted by Anarchist bleedsailing