Walter World


Suck My

Dear Chap,

Awards night recently here at the Royal Mega and Sailing led me to a
rather clever idea. Lord Snivelworth’s good Lady was in colourful conversation
with another of the Auxiliary and I couldn’t help overhearing uncharitable
reference to my recent jovialities in the magazine.
straining to catch what appeared obviously intended for my ears alone
I received a rather piercing rebuke that they were talking "near
me, and not to me!"
occurred to me, however, that the human condition places greater store
in unaided discovery than aided – so if you want to get a message to
someone, whisper it loudly to the person next along. And on that basis,
I’m thinking perhaps the best way to drum some sailing theory into that
numbskull, young Upon-Smyth, would be to write a piece for the magazine,
as if for the whole world, knowing full well he will seize upon it and
claim its wisdom as his own discovery. So here goes; –
operation of sailboats may seem a long way from the science of licking
ice-cream but as we have seen in recent bulletins, the science of relativity
creates the most unsuspected liaisons.
discovery that sailing sucks is hard learnt, because the contrary notion
is so intuitively plausible, and an ignorance widely reinforced – that
the wind pushes against a sail in it’s path and in slipping off backward,
say to the left, equally forces the sail rightwards. This is an absolute
nonsense, utter absurdity and complete untruth. But before we can move
to a replacement theory we need to dwell and learn this absurdity such
that we create the knowledge vacuum that drives curiosity and thirsts
our search.
First Law states, "a body in a flow will be dragged in exactly
the direction of that flow (in the absence of intervening forces)".
(Made that one up myself actually, but lends a sense of authority don’t
you think? Though curiously it reminds me of walking down the isle).